our bedroom

Freecycle, stop messin with me!

So today I signed on to check my email (who I am kidding , i never even sign out), and saw a great freecycle post. Some lady was cleaning out her craft room. Vintage fabric, other fabric, yarn, misc. Great! I call the number, and i was actually the first to respond. I drove to her house, a cute neighborhood I hadn't been in before. I was greeted by three beautiful big barking dogs, all aussie/shepherd mixes. Her and her husband were just getting home from yoga, with their homemade yoga mat bags slung over their shoulders. He looked like a hippy from the past, and they were very nice. I walked inside, and saw a giant pile of junk, and thought, oh well I am sure thats not all for me. (Mind you the ad said "must take all"). Before I could think too much, I started to wonder why they were being so nice and inviting me in. They started telling me stories and told me to 'come on in!'. Then I started thinking about that craigslist killer guy. And then I started thinking what if they put up that craft ad just to lure me here. So i started mentally plotting my escape, and meanwhile, she directed me to my 'pile'. So i start gathering things, old mens shirts, and packing peanuts to name a few. I haven't done crafts with packing peanuts since third grade. But whatever, who I am i to judge. Besides this is WA, we go green here. So we get outside and in the fresh air I realize this house reeked like cat pee. Horribly. These people were really nice but oh jeepers! I have a friend with 10 cats and her house smells great- i have no idea how many cats these people had. I only saw 2, but yikes. So then i realize that all the stuff smells like cat pee too. Great, now i have packing peanuts and old mens shirts in my trunk that smell like cat pee. As i drove away, I said a quick prayer thanking God those people didn't entice me with their crafts and then rob me or worse. (hah, what would they rob, my public speaking textbook??) anyhow, i am done freecycling for the time being. now i have to get rid of all this stuff!!!!

self disclosure

I am taking an interpersonal communications class and learning a lot about why we self disclose. For me, I think I just like to be up front with people. Here I am! Also, I think it helps us connect as humans. I know a lot of people are closed books, but I just don't like to roll that way. Besides my mouth is too big, as Steve says "Did you let the cat out of the bag"? LOL I have a habit of bursting surprises. Now, one example I recently encountered was in public speaking today. I complimented a girl on her speech and she said 'thanks, i have bad panic attacks and I just wrecked my moms car, so i was so nervous'. That was a LOT of info, instantaneously, I said "I have panic attacks too" and another girl added "I do too!!!" Now that Is a LOT of self disclosure, but in that split second, we suddenly had a support group-in that class , of people who understood our struggles. Oh and FYI, freaking out, getting upset, or being nervous is not a panic attack. so before all you drama queens go pop a xanax, take a step back. Anyhow, it is just nice to connect with humans. I think this 'so long insecurity' Bible study is awesome as well. I have to say, if you are a woman, you NEED to read this book. It is by Beth Moore, and it is fabulous. It is bringing out all sorts of insecurity in me, and i love every second of it. I love knowing how i can own these things, and beat the poop out of them. Spiritual warfare is so real, and i am ready to take it on, because knowledge is power. Now that I KNOW things .,... i can fix em! For instance, I didn't put make up on before bible study last week because i was too rushed. I worried about it, but then thought- "ok i am secure enough to go out without makeup. I may not be a barbie doll, but i am no freddy kreuger either!"

We learned about false positives.

"I would just be more secure if I had more money..."

"If I just got rid of these wrinkles by my lips,"...

"If my husband got a promotion..."

"If I was thinner..."

Whats your false positive? Beth Moore says fixing only one of these areas, is like sticking your finger in a dam, ...it will hold for a minute, but pretty soon all of your poopy issues are back on you. Ok she didn't say poopy. I added that for emphasis. When you are worldly you say %&$! , when you are mommy you say poopy, and when you are a christian you say "praise Jesus".

So Praise Jesus for my insecurities because at least they keep me humble. well sometimes!

my chains are gone, i've been set free

do you ever just feel confined by insecurities? I do. I have been doing a study by Beth Moore and I am only in chapter 2, but already I am ready to buck all these insecurities and tell them to take a hike. I didn't even realize how insecure I was, but now that I do... i am ready to say so long. The worst part is when you realize that insecurity can be confining. For instance do you ever just want to throw your hands up in church and really get into the worship? I do. But gosh, have you ever actually watched someone worship? Like HONESTLY and with an open heart. It looks weird. Really weird. But of course it looks weird we have nothing to compare it to. we might worship money or fame, but we don't actually physically display that. With God, we do. WHich brings me to my next point-I was really having a hard time getting into worship night. I accidentally sat with the youth group, which wasn't bad except that i probably just looked like a pregnant teenager with a baby on my hip. So I felt disconnected, stressed about the paper I should have been writing and waiting for Blake to shriek or pull my hair- and make me shriek. Then pastor Russ got up and said how he knew people were not tuned in, he could feel that people were really in a funk and it wasn't going well. I usually am not the person who the leader is 'speaking too' but this time I was . SO in the essence of beth moore I threw my hands in the air and sang my heart out. With a baby on my hip, who waswatching my every move. And as I sang, and opened my heart to God, he opened his heart to me through a sweet little boy who threw his hands up and smiled at me. And when Pastor Russ proclaimed that God loved us for who we are, Blake clapped his chubby little hands together as if that message was for him personally. And it was.

Good Grief!

My weekend has been so insane (at times) that I feel like I owe it to the world to share my grief. And nuts has it been. Steve's grandparents came to visit us from California for the first time. We were so excited to see them, and have them meet Blake. It all started with a 2 1/2 hour drive to Seattle to pick them up, where I realized that I had to go to the bathroom. No problem, right? I have a GPS, I can't get too lost. Well what I didn't anticipate was how to do the aforementioned while controlling a wild almost-but not quite yet - walker. I thought that I would just stroll in, and maybe have him stand, and be done. Well, no he wanted to get down and crawl to the garbage can which was overflowing with all manner of toxic substance. ( I knew I should have went to Nordstroms!) Anyhow, I went about my usual routine of papering the seat-because Lord knows what devilish germs were living on it. Every girl knows, always paper the seat. Unless you can do that crazy squatting thing, which always leaves me fearful of peeing on myself. So I papered one side, then the other, and blake removed it. And so this went on for three times, until I finally papered, and while he was distracted by the garbage-i made my move. At this point he decides to throw a tantrum, because I won't let him crawl away into the abyss of transient traveler germs. So, I did what any desperate mother would do, I held him out with two hands, went to the bathroom in record time, and tried to high tail it out of there. This was all well except that the toilet kept flushing on me , over and over, and it was like some sort of terrible contaminated sprinkler system. Lets just say-thats the last time I get a coffee before a uber long drive. We made it out, and to the airport.

We found Grandpa John and Grammy, and made it home safely. They kept asking "Are you sure there is a Whidbey Island", because we just drove, and drove and droooooooooove.

Then yesterday we went to Port Townsend, WA which is a 40 minute Ferry ride away. We went to visit Steve's cousin Philip and his family. They gave us a spectacular tour, and an amazing dinner, complete with beautiful artichokes! Ahhh I love artichokes. Steve says that eating artichokes makes him feel like he is eating a wild animal. THe good wife I am- I helped him conquer it! We had a wonderful visit with them, and some family friends, and then we had to rush out to the ferry. I started questioning whether I had remembered the right time. When we pulled in, I saw the ferry, and breathed a sigh of relief. We pulled up to pay, and a very gruff man who looked like santa claus after about 344 bad days stated "NO BOAT" and slammed the window shut. We all said "NO BOAT?" . I thought it was a sick joke. A VERY sick joke. Steve made him open the window and he said "Boat cancelled due to weather, next boat is at 6:45 am" ...this might not sound like a big deal. Well, remember we live on an island, and that boat, was our only chance at getting home in reasonable time. Lets just say, it took two ferries, and FOUR hours to get home. Luckily grandpa kept us laughing, by falling asleep and then waking up and saying silly things, and then falling back to sleep. We made the Kingston/Edmonds Ferry by 20 minutes, and we caught the Mukilteo Ferry by TWO minutes!! Thank God, otherwise we would have had to wait an HOUR for the next ferry. It was a very very wild drive. Talk about cutting it close. We all stumbled into the house at 12:15, exactly four hours after we departed the Port Townsend Ferry terminal. And why am I up at this hour? My little alarm clock went off at 7:45. All I can say- Thank God he slept in!