The Ugly Baby Contest

Today we went to an event called the "Beautiful Baby Contest", but I refuse to call it that and will henceforth be referring to it as the "Ugly Baby Contest". I know that isn't nice. I know. But nobody said becoming a mother makes you nice. It makes you protective, and patient, and your heart grows a million times bigger... but nobody promised nice. I entered Blake in the contest held at the NEX. (The navy exchange for you civilians!) There was also a crawling derby. I wasn't going to put my eggs in that basket. (haha my eggs already have a basket..haha... ok never mind). We were preparing to leave the house, daddy had dressed Blake in his button down shirt and corduroys. He looked so handsome. He had a bath and his hair brushed and was patiently waiting in his jumper toy. As I loaded the diaper bag, he began to cry. Then he grunted. Then his face got red, and he cried more. Uh oh..you know where this is going. Down the toilet. I scooped him, changed him in record time, and off to the contest we went. Crisis averted.

When we arrived at the store, a table of late teens/young twenty something girls was at a table for the judges. They seemed nice, and didn't look particularly dumb. Looks can be deceiving. I signed in Blake and we decided to let him have his chance at the crawling derby. He is a champion scooter, and very motivated by the dog food and water dish. He races to them, at least 56 times a day. I started to eye up the competition. These kids all had weird names. That was the first thing I noticed. I observed a Kapri, Quinn,Tyrek(?),Raya, some other kid whose name was so jumbled I don't even remember. We will call her Rosalie because it was some form of rosa-something. I could see right away that Blake was CLEARLY the cutest. And if any of you know him one bit, he is also the most charismatic guy around. He loves the ladies, and the judges were all ladies. So where could we go wrong? Right?

Wrong. First off, the "emcee" (read large loud mouth lady) had us go first. I got to the judges and said "this is Blake, he loves girls.."THANKYOU BLAKE" came the booming voice. I quickly added "and crawling to the dog dishes". I tried to get him to smile, but he was very serious. He had his game face on, and was not to be distracted by tickling or plastic keys. We waited for the other babies, who all got way more time to get their smiles out.. (do you sense my bitterness?).

We eagerly awaited the results. I heard talk of a tie.. they started with the fourth runner up. No Blake.. Third runner up No Blake. etc. etc. Grand prize.. I was pumped, I was all smiles. I was beaming with pride.... "KAPRI". Um excuse me? Like the pants...? Like can someone come to the pants department with ? I was shocked. I got myself together though, because it was time for the crawling derby. We still had a chance to shine. I put Blake down, Daddy had his back, and I sat at the finish line. Daddy crawled behind him, I coaxed him on with plastic keys. First he laid on his belly and looked around. Then he started to scoot. Then stupid baby Quinn fell over and started to cry, which distracted him. He looked very concerned for her/him (gender neutral baby). On the end was baby Rosa-whatever. She had to be at least one. She was a cutie with black pigtails. And she howled. Oh did she ever... She cried for her Mama...who sat at the finish line and would not budge to pick her up! I could not believe it. She coaxed her with snacks and a bottle. The little girl rocked on her knees and cried. Meanwhile Blake was scooting away. After being ignored by her parents .. poor little Rosa-whatever crawled to them, crying her eyes out the whole time. Sick, people. Seriously? You are going to torture your kid to win a gift basket full of avent bottles? ridiculous. Anyhow, I wanted Blake to crawl as far as he wanted to Steve and I cheered him on. He pushed his little legs and threw out his arm and slapped the red finish line in a wonderful victory. He didn't win the avent bottles, but he won our hearts as he does every single day. I knew what it felt to be a proud mama.. I could tell Steve was proud too... to see our little guy do his best, and enjoy himself doing it. Heck he even won a consolation prize of squirty plastic bath toys!

What a blessing he is. The other night as I got up for the umpteenth time to soothe him back to sleep I thought, "My life is ruled by a man who has been on this planet 1/46th the time that I have. " I wouldn't have it any other way.